Sunday, August 29, 2010

More Than Rubies

My beautiful mother, Felicia M. Spencer,
was called home by our Father on July
19, 2010 after a year and a half of trying to recover
from a diabetic coma and other illnesses.
I’m still a little in denial. Some people might think I’m crazy for saying that, but no matter how much reality fills the phrase, “she’s gone”, my mind still refuses to accept it as truth.

My mother, the woman who is responsible for everything I am today, is no longer someone I can call when I’ve had a bad day, text message in the morning just to wish her well, laugh with over Julia Roberts movies or chat with about my latest big idea to save the children of the world, and somehow, I’m supposed to find a way to compact her entire existence into the small chambers of my heart.

When the nursing home first called us in the middle of the night requesting that we come quickly, I didn’t even flinch. I figured she had a fever again and they needed to take her to the hospital or something. Even after watching the nurses and emergency response team avoid eye contact with me as I walked into the building, I still didn’t think anything was severely wrong. Maybe it was because we’d had so many scares over the last year that I figured this was just another medical overreaction, or maybe it was because (deep down) I was still just a little girl thinking her mother would live forever as she’d promised.

Ever since that night, time has been all out of whack. I’ve barely been able to breathe at times, let alone write new blogs. But I’m coming around. My mom always loved to read my latest articles, poems, short stories…whatever. She couldn’t wait for my book to come out, and she always appeared to be just as anxious to read my college research papers (even though I’m sure she wasn’t, lol).

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